Whether you just finally resolved an ugly divorce, or you finished your collaborative divorce, you may be looking forward to your new life after divorce and moving on. No matter how you resolved your divorce, it is important to know that you still have responsibilities following your divorce as a parent.
The emotional consequences of divorce on an adult can last a few months or even a few years. But for a child of divorce, the effects can last a lifetime. As a parent, it is only natural that you want to do everything in your power to shield your children from unnecessary consequences of divorce, and here are a few extra measures you and use to help do that:
Even if you are your ex-spouse are not on good terms, you still need to work together for the sake of your children. Communicate with one another about your children’s needs and what each of you can do to provide for them. Collaboration can also give your child a sense of normalcy after a divorce. If one spouse decides to ground the child, the other spouse needs to support the decision instead of being the “fun parent.” Doing otherwise teaches your children it is okay to undermine you and your ex.
Go to events and gatherings together
When a child hears that dad won’t come to their game because mom will be there, it can leave them with many negative emotions. They may feel like they are not worth visiting or that your disdain for your ex is more important than your children.
Do not badmouth your spouse in front of your kids
Children often see themselves as one-half of each parent. When they hear one parent the other, they may feel insulted as well. Avoid saying anything negative about your former spouse also to prevent hurting your child’s feelings.
Keep your children out of your divorce
Too often, divorcees will have their children relay messages to the other spouse, or they will ask their children to report on their ex’s activities. Engaging in these kinds of activities with your children can make them feel guilty toward the other parent. Worse yet, it may also teach your children to resent you for putting them in that position.
Keep your children in mind
When you adapt to your new life after divorce, remember to keep your children’s needs in mind. While you may want to forget about your ex and move on, do not forget that your children are still connected to both sides of the divorce. A bit of foresight today can help them grow into emotionally stable and mature adults.